Obviously the video is ridiculous. Now let's get into the freaky lyrics:
She dashed by me in painted on jeans
What in the hell are "painted jeans"? Is Billy referring to a super hot female wearing tight as hell ass hugging denim? Or was this some super fresh style of jeans that the fine ladies wore in 1985 that somehow caught Billy's wandering eye? And if she's "dashing" by, she obviously wants to get the heck away from you, Billy. Maybe you should take that as a hint.
And all heads turned 'cause she was the dream
Now we learn that he was obviously wasn't stalking this hunny from the bushes. Billy was in public, or possibly with his hommies, because many people stopped to catch a boner producing glimpse of this fine looking female in acid washed (a guess) painted on jeans. Screw Cialis. It's them painted on jeans that does it for BO.
In the blink of an eye I knew her number and her name, yeah
So, is Mr. Ocean saying that it took him less than a second (about how long a blink of an eye lasts) to get this chick's number AND THEN her name? I've never heard of even the best pick up artists getting a lovely lady's digits before she divulges her name. "Oh, thanks for your number, baby. I look forward to calling you tonight around 1:00 am for a bootie call. By the way, do you have a name?" This lyric is fucked.
Ah she said I was the tiger she wanted to tame
Yes, you're a tiger Billy. Your incredible manliness needs some taming tonight after you are through drinking champagne cocktails at the club with your boys. BO wrote this song with a huge erection, no doubt.
CHORUS:
Caribbean queen
Excellent, we now learn that this babe is of Caribbean decent. So why the hell is Mr. Ocean pronouncing her ethnic heritage incorrectly? Is he that retarded? Pronouncing "Caribbean" correctly wouldn't have done anything to the "quality" of this lyric. C'mon now.
Now we're sharing the same dream
Yeah, a dream of between the sheets late night booty call action! You freaky 80's sexaholics deserve each other.
And our hearts they beat as one
I'm pretty sure I've heard this lyric in at least 23 other 80's songs. There's no way I'm doing the research to see if BO was the innovator of "hearts beat as one" or if he was a ripoff artist like so many untalented lyricists over time. I'm guessing the later. Also, Billy needed to put a "they" in the lyric to keep the iambic pentameter going in this line. Which is another sign of being a terrible lyricist. Oh, by the way, this lyric means they're making the love.
No more love on the run
A weird, weird lyric that's almost totally uninterpretable. But let's give it a try anyway. Does BO usually have the sexytime while running down the hallway? Sounds fun! But unfortunately I can't find any movies about this on youporn. Or maybe this lyric is some terrible metaphor for Billy finally finding love in a Caribbean-decent hottie with hot ass jeans who has quelched his previously unsatisfiable thirst for the strange poontang. I'm pretty sure that Billy thought that a sweet title to one of his songs on his album "Suddenly" just had to be "Love On The Run". So BO decided to jam this funky fresh song title and lyric into a song formerly and simply named "Caribbean Queen". But now we're left with a stupid double-title song which is complete BS. 24 years later, we all know this song as "Caribbean Queen". So screw you, Billy. Double-title songs are fucking lame.
I lose my cool when she steps in the room
It sounds like we've moved away from the street corner and indoors. Phew. In this room, Billy is totally fine drinking champagne cocktails with his hommies until the Caribbean Queen walks in. And then he loses his cool. Translation? BO pops a Woodrow.
And I get so excited just from her perfume
See, I told you. Boner popping it is! I do enjoy the rhyming of room and perfume. Bravo. But the most important thing about this lyric is that we learn how incredibly horny Mr. Ocean is. I can understand excitement when you see painted jeans on a Caribbean hottie. But arousal from simply smelling perfume? Wow. Dude, take your girl to the broom closet and tame this hard on already. Then get back to drinking champagne cocktails with the boys.
Electric eyes that you can't ignore
What do electric eyes look like? I'm thinking Raiden from Mortal Kombat but I could be totally wrong. Regardless, the combo of unignorable perfume and eyes of electricity have Billy totally on edge. I can only imagine him sitting in the corner, jerri curl staining the headrest of the airchair he's sitting on, completely eye screwing this chick at the party. Scary.
And passion burns you like never before
Hey, do you know how you know when you're really horny? When "passion burns you like never before." I say this to all the ladies and it totally works. For this, BO, I say "thank you".........you sexy sex crazed sex fiend.
I was in search of a good time just running my game
Wait a second. Did we witness a current common rap lyric precursor? I know 50 Cent raps about "running his game" in no less than 48% of his tracks. But for Billy Frigging Ocean to sing this line in 1985 is downright amazing. Alright! All is not lost lyrically with this love jingle! I knew I'd find value here if I looked hard enough!
Love was the furthest, furthest from my mind
Billy ultimately shows his hand in the last meaningful non-chorus lyric of this 1985 #1 hit. Love was obviously never apart of the equation. Sex, and only sex, is what BO was ever after with the Caribbean Queen. So, ladies of the 80's, all it takes to land a mega-star like Billy Ocean is to wear confusing painted on jeans, spritz on some pheromone trigger perfume, and have a way to flow electricity through your eyes. Then, and only then, will Billy Ocean call you at 1:00 AM after he's done drinking champagne cocktails at a club. Good luck figuring out how to do any of these things.
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